Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about my single life. Specifically, the things that I miss and the things that I don’t. I literally spent majority of my single 20’s yearning for the life I live now, and with good reason. Had I known then what I would have now, I would have been just beyond depressed.
But, I took advantage of my single status and decided to spend my days, not pining away for a husband and children, but enjoying the life I was living at that moment. Because, I knew that one day, it would be gone and there would be aspects of that life that I would miss.
I was definitely right about that.
Most of the time, I think about my single bed. The glorious full bed with my eight pillows, Calvin Klein and Donna Karan sheets, and pillow top mattress. I used to sleep right in the middle of the bed, with plenty of room on either side of me. Usually, I think about my old bed when I’m practically hanging over the side of my side of the bed, with our daughter’s feet crisscrossed across my chest and one hand slapped against my face. Of course, I barely breathe, afraid any sudden movement will wake her up. Forget going to the bathroom, I’d rather hold it in than wake her up. So, I close my eyes, and think about the copious hours of sleep I used to get while living alone. And, just when I yearn to transport myself back in time to my old apartment on the Upper West Side, into my delicious bed, my daughter strokes my cheek and whispers in my ear that I’m her best friend. And, suddenly, I’m thrilled to be awake and at the edge of my mattress.
I also don’t miss the loneliness of single life. I wanted to be with someone who got my jokes, cared enough about me to take care of me when I was sick, was my partner in crime in this life. I’m thrilled to be coupled, and I definitely found the perfect partner for me.
I don’t miss cooking for one. Especially since, back then, cooking for one meant heating up a Weight Watchers meal and finishing it off with a bag of 98% fat free popcorn. I love cooking for my family, and don’t even mind all of our dietary restrictions. I’m gluten free, my husband is carbs free except for breakfast, my baby is allergic to oats, peanuts, sesame, egg and rice, and our eldest is just a real picky eater. Most of the time, I’m preparing four different meals at least twice or three times a day. It’s a good thing I really enjoy cooking.
I don’t miss laundry for one. Oh sure, there are times when I look at all the laundry bags in the house and I’m overwhelmed. That usually comes after I change the sheets and towels, but then during the quiet of nap time, I sit down to fold little onesies and footie pajamas, and I just fall in love.
Now, I am a supermarket junkie. Take me to a new location, anywhere in the World, and I will hightail it straight to the nearest supermarket. So, you can imagine how much I enjoy shopping for my family. I just love walking up and down the aisles and picking out a special treat for our eldest, or remembering that we’re low on my husband’s favorite yogurts and buying some before we run out. I love looking at an overflowing cart filled with food for four, as opposed to the tiny basket I used to tote around Fairway on Broadway that I could barely fill up with food for myself for the week.
But the two things I miss the most about single life are money and music. I miss having money to spend on myself, lavishly. I used to make a decent living, enough to cover my expenses and have a healthy entertainment fund. Now, we have to really count our pennies, and I can no longer just shop when I feel like it. I can no longer just go to the mall and come home with bags and bags of goodies for myself, just because I could. That takes a lot of getting used to, especially since I spent more than thirteen years just spending money on myself.
And then, there’s music. I used to be so on top of the music scene. Today, I’m lucky if the local radio station is on while I feed the baby. Usually, we’re listening to Hebrew music about the upcoming holidays, Raffi or some Disney soundtrack. Our local music station plays the weirdest mix of music, ever, and most of the times I just get so aggravated with the selection. I miss discovering a new band before it’s hot, like I did with The Black Keys. I was into them well before their music was selected as the background to those car commercials and some WB shows. I miss going out to concerts with my friends in the City. There is nothing like going to a concert in Manhattan. The venues I’ve been to have been amazing and exciting. I’ve seen Scissor Sisters at the Hammerstein Ballroom and Coldplay at Radio City Music Hall. I saw an intimate showing with Gruff Rhys, lead singer of The Super Furry Animals, and was so close to him I could have wiped the sweat off his brow. I can’t count how many times I saw both Black Rebel Motorcycle Club and Kings of Leon, who I was also into well before they were popular. My friend Julie took me on a fabulous full day concert featuring Oasis and Kasabian for my birthday, and we met the most interesting group of people from Ireland. I miss the atmosphere at a concert, holding that giant plastic cup of beer that sweats in your hand as the warm up band plays. Even though I don’t regret, for one minute, quitting smoking, I do miss smoking at a concert. And I’ll never forget seeing Radiohead in concert at Liberty Island, mere weeks before September 11th. I won’t forget sitting at the Cosi at the base of the World Trade Center, eating a sandwich before the show, then walking around to the pier to pick up the ferry that took us across to the show. I remember looking at the people coming in and out of the Trade Center, and the people walking around the area as we headed to the concert. And then, after 9/11, I wondered how many of them survived the terrorist attack.
I wish I could take my husband to a concert in Manhattan. I would love to see the Arctic Monkey’s or Adele, live. But, at least right now, that’s just not in the cards. Instead, I think we’re just going to try to play some more of our kind of music during the day. There is no reason why the girls can’t be introduced to the music we love. Sure, we’ll still play the soundtrack to Beauty and the Beast, but there’s no reason why the girls can’t also rock out to Tapes n’ Tapes.